dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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