pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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