Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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