i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
The air taste purple.
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