guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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