I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize