Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize