you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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