After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
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i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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