I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
what day is it and did you see me today?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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