Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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