I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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