Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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