Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
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I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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