Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
cat food counts as protein by the way
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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