I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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