I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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