gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize