Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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