u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize