i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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