Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize