nut hugger
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
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I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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