I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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