I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize