at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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