I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
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Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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