he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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