I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize