before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize