my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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