yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
What a dumb baby whore.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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