If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Every concussion has its silver lining
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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