I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Oh god it's open bar.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize