are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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