ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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