physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
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well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
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I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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