Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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