So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sarcasm needs its own font
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize