She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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