Got a toothbrush?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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