Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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