i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize