The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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