hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize