So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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