I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
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