i barfeds in our rink
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
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As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
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Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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