what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
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he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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