he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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